I do not take care of the finances in our home. It was tried once. And it ended quickly and unpleasantly. I am horrible at math. I am also sadly unorganized. Combine those two personality traits and you have a seriously messed up check book. Frankly, it still isn't great, thanks to that pesky task of actually entering things into the checkbook. Sadly, I can't even get all the receipts into THE DRAWER that is supposed to hold all things financial. I hate THE DRAWER. I REALLY hate seeing my husband heading purposefully towards THE DRAWER. I promise I don't mess things up on purpose. What is really sad is the months when I am proudly waiting for my "atta girl", but instead get the usual list of everything I have forgotten to put in "THE DRAWER" that month. And it is even longer than the month before. It seems the only way it will get better is if I stop spending money. Which means it will likely never get better.
As a result I do not know a lot about our bills. My stomach tightens up when a friend (who clearly has her act together and is on top of all things money in HER home) casually asks about, say - the electric bill. I frantically search my brain for anything I might have heard my husband mumble about while opening the mail. I always end up responding with a vague "oh my gosh it has gotten so bad lately", which is usually all I need to say to sound like I have a clue. As opposed to the reality, which is that she might as well be having this conversation with my 8 year old.
Now, I know this ignorance is bliss thing is bad. How do I know? Oprah told me. Well, actually Oprah's good pal Suze told me. She told me I was doing myself a disservice. That if anything suddenly happened to my husband I would be blindsided. I figured I would be grief stricken and maybe should be listening to Oprah's other friend, Phil in regards to this but no matter. It was Suze I was getting that day. For a minute I was scared. Would we be OK? Were the bills so bad that the girls and I would be on the street before the end of the funeral service? But then I remembered - he has life insurance. And a lot of it. Yep, THAT financial conversation I payed attention to.
Which means that the only reason I HAVE to know specifics about the bills is so that I can be a Modern Independent Woman. Well, as we all know - this is not a goal of mine. However, after an hour of Suze harping on me, I went over and grabbed the checkbook. Nothing too surprising. I mean, just because I forget to tell Jason how much I spend on shopping or lunch out, doesn't mean I don't know about it. And as far as the bills go, I didn't see how knowing that we spent $20 more on electric this month than last was going to help me a whole lot. I have the general idea of our finances. Things are tight enough to feel slightly uncomfortable, but not enough to live in actual fear. No remodeling the kitchen or a new car any time soon. Got it. All I was doing was taking away what precious spare time I had, to do something really boring.
I can't remember Donna Reed taking care of the bills. She may have. I am pretty good at blocking out things that might make me feel like I am doing something wrong. But I really don't think she did. I mean how cute and perky can you be, pouring over the family finances. She had better things to do, like make evening coffee to serve with the home made cookies during her nightly catch up time with her happy, handsome, doctor husband.
So, I give up. As much as I would like to be on top of the finances, it won't happen. Or rather, it can't happen. And actually, I had felt like this was some sort of failure. A failure as the picture perfect wife and mom I strive to be. But then again, ultimately it is about the example I give my daughters. And trying to do something and failing is always better than not trying, right? So fine, we'll scratch "Financial Guru" from my list of domestic titles. I can live with that. But let me tell you - I have MAD laundry skills. Just sayin'.......
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Ramblings Of An Unapologetic Non-Feminist
I was born in the wrong decade. This is not news to anyone who knows me well. When I was little, I wanted to be a wife and mom. That was it. No doctor, lawyer or God forbid - president of the United States. I wanted to wear dresses all the time - still do. I loved everything girly and had little or no interest in being given the same "privileges" that the boys got. Gym class? No thanks. The right to try out for the varsity football team? I think not. Having a job to go to every afternoon so that I could pay my own way on dates? Nope, not interested. I'd rather just go to the malt shop after school with my girlfriends where we will giggle,squeal and talk about the boys we like. Work on that AP homework so that I can get into a good college? To what end? I certainly didn't need that to get MY dream job. Though maybe I would go to college for a year or so. Take a couple of "girly"courses and meet my future husband.
I am sorry if I have horrified any of you. I am happy you all had the rights to do what you wanted. It just hasn't worked out that great for me. Sure SOME things are fantastic. Obviously I am glad to have the right to vote. I am thankful that girls are allowed as much education as they want. I think it's great that I CAN wear jeans without being stared at. As the mother of three daughters I am happy with all of the freedoms they are allowed.
But here's the thing, I don't really think we have EVERY freedom. We are allowed the freedom to move "forward". We can have careers AND a family. Or just a career, if we would rather. But the freedom to be "just" a mom and housewife? Not so much. (Yes, I used the word housewife. No, it does not offend me. I do not think it sounds as if I am married to the house.) In today's world it is VERY hard to have the ability to be home taking care of the house, kids and husband. Somewhere along the way, we lost the ability to live comfortably on one income per family. When we got the "right" to work outside of the home it didn't take long for women to NEED to work outside of the home. Bummer....
I myself am a wife, mother, part time preschool teacher and child care provider. I am also currently learning how to sew in the hopes of having some sort of business of my own that I can do from home. And still money is tight. Trying to stay home with my kids at least until kindergarten has been a struggle. My husband tells me that I work harder doing all these jobs together than I would if I just had one full time job. Probably. But I am just not ready to give up on MY American Dream yet.
If I am going to be honest, I probably don't want to be a 1950's housewife. I want to be a TV sitcom 1950's housewife. I want to stay home with the kids and take care of the house - except not really. The kids, yes. I'll have that covered. But somehow those television wives of days gone by also got a cleaning lady. Which is FANTASTIC!! I HATE housework. I know, right? This doesn't fit into my self proclaimed dream of being a housewife. (That's right, I said it again!) But it DOES, if you watch all of the old shows. I will straighten up the house, cook, and do the dishes. I'll know how to sew my own curtains and frilly little throw pillows. But while I am off volunteering and serving on my various committees, some happy, bubbly little cleaning dynamo will be scrubbing my toilets and dusting my children's rooms. I will of course, get up early so that my husband has an attractive, wide awake wife bringing him his coffee in bed and starting his shower for him. Are you kidding me? If I didn't have to do all of the cleaning and struggling to make ends meet - IMAGINE how much perkier I would be!
So yes, my dream is flawed. I know that medical advances and technology is way better now, blah blah blah. However, that is not what this blog is about. It is about me trying to be a 1950's wife in the year 2012. As I try to learn to cook, sew, become a better housewife (have you stopped cringing when I say that yet??) and most importantly raise a family with "old school" morals, values and happiness. (Insert laugh track here.) Follow my blog as I try to follow my dream - to be Donna Reed.
I am sorry if I have horrified any of you. I am happy you all had the rights to do what you wanted. It just hasn't worked out that great for me. Sure SOME things are fantastic. Obviously I am glad to have the right to vote. I am thankful that girls are allowed as much education as they want. I think it's great that I CAN wear jeans without being stared at. As the mother of three daughters I am happy with all of the freedoms they are allowed.
But here's the thing, I don't really think we have EVERY freedom. We are allowed the freedom to move "forward". We can have careers AND a family. Or just a career, if we would rather. But the freedom to be "just" a mom and housewife? Not so much. (Yes, I used the word housewife. No, it does not offend me. I do not think it sounds as if I am married to the house.) In today's world it is VERY hard to have the ability to be home taking care of the house, kids and husband. Somewhere along the way, we lost the ability to live comfortably on one income per family. When we got the "right" to work outside of the home it didn't take long for women to NEED to work outside of the home. Bummer....
I myself am a wife, mother, part time preschool teacher and child care provider. I am also currently learning how to sew in the hopes of having some sort of business of my own that I can do from home. And still money is tight. Trying to stay home with my kids at least until kindergarten has been a struggle. My husband tells me that I work harder doing all these jobs together than I would if I just had one full time job. Probably. But I am just not ready to give up on MY American Dream yet.
If I am going to be honest, I probably don't want to be a 1950's housewife. I want to be a TV sitcom 1950's housewife. I want to stay home with the kids and take care of the house - except not really. The kids, yes. I'll have that covered. But somehow those television wives of days gone by also got a cleaning lady. Which is FANTASTIC!! I HATE housework. I know, right? This doesn't fit into my self proclaimed dream of being a housewife. (That's right, I said it again!) But it DOES, if you watch all of the old shows. I will straighten up the house, cook, and do the dishes. I'll know how to sew my own curtains and frilly little throw pillows. But while I am off volunteering and serving on my various committees, some happy, bubbly little cleaning dynamo will be scrubbing my toilets and dusting my children's rooms. I will of course, get up early so that my husband has an attractive, wide awake wife bringing him his coffee in bed and starting his shower for him. Are you kidding me? If I didn't have to do all of the cleaning and struggling to make ends meet - IMAGINE how much perkier I would be!
So yes, my dream is flawed. I know that medical advances and technology is way better now, blah blah blah. However, that is not what this blog is about. It is about me trying to be a 1950's wife in the year 2012. As I try to learn to cook, sew, become a better housewife (have you stopped cringing when I say that yet??) and most importantly raise a family with "old school" morals, values and happiness. (Insert laugh track here.) Follow my blog as I try to follow my dream - to be Donna Reed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)