I do not take care of the finances in our home. It was tried once. And it ended quickly and unpleasantly. I am horrible at math. I am also sadly unorganized. Combine those two personality traits and you have a seriously messed up check book. Frankly, it still isn't great, thanks to that pesky task of actually entering things into the checkbook. Sadly, I can't even get all the receipts into THE DRAWER that is supposed to hold all things financial. I hate THE DRAWER. I REALLY hate seeing my husband heading purposefully towards THE DRAWER. I promise I don't mess things up on purpose. What is really sad is the months when I am proudly waiting for my "atta girl", but instead get the usual list of everything I have forgotten to put in "THE DRAWER" that month. And it is even longer than the month before. It seems the only way it will get better is if I stop spending money. Which means it will likely never get better.
As a result I do not know a lot about our bills. My stomach tightens up when a friend (who clearly has her act together and is on top of all things money in HER home) casually asks about, say - the electric bill. I frantically search my brain for anything I might have heard my husband mumble about while opening the mail. I always end up responding with a vague "oh my gosh it has gotten so bad lately", which is usually all I need to say to sound like I have a clue. As opposed to the reality, which is that she might as well be having this conversation with my 8 year old.
Now, I know this ignorance is bliss thing is bad. How do I know? Oprah told me. Well, actually Oprah's good pal Suze told me. She told me I was doing myself a disservice. That if anything suddenly happened to my husband I would be blindsided. I figured I would be grief stricken and maybe should be listening to Oprah's other friend, Phil in regards to this but no matter. It was Suze I was getting that day. For a minute I was scared. Would we be OK? Were the bills so bad that the girls and I would be on the street before the end of the funeral service? But then I remembered - he has life insurance. And a lot of it. Yep, THAT financial conversation I payed attention to.
Which means that the only reason I HAVE to know specifics about the bills is so that I can be a Modern Independent Woman. Well, as we all know - this is not a goal of mine. However, after an hour of Suze harping on me, I went over and grabbed the checkbook. Nothing too surprising. I mean, just because I forget to tell Jason how much I spend on shopping or lunch out, doesn't mean I don't know about it. And as far as the bills go, I didn't see how knowing that we spent $20 more on electric this month than last was going to help me a whole lot. I have the general idea of our finances. Things are tight enough to feel slightly uncomfortable, but not enough to live in actual fear. No remodeling the kitchen or a new car any time soon. Got it. All I was doing was taking away what precious spare time I had, to do something really boring.
I can't remember Donna Reed taking care of the bills. She may have. I am pretty good at blocking out things that might make me feel like I am doing something wrong. But I really don't think she did. I mean how cute and perky can you be, pouring over the family finances. She had better things to do, like make evening coffee to serve with the home made cookies during her nightly catch up time with her happy, handsome, doctor husband.
So, I give up. As much as I would like to be on top of the finances, it won't happen. Or rather, it can't happen. And actually, I had felt like this was some sort of failure. A failure as the picture perfect wife and mom I strive to be. But then again, ultimately it is about the example I give my daughters. And trying to do something and failing is always better than not trying, right? So fine, we'll scratch "Financial Guru" from my list of domestic titles. I can live with that. But let me tell you - I have MAD laundry skills. Just sayin'.......
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